Play Party

Last night we went to a play party. I have to say, it was fairly interesting. Although, I've noticed that I really enjoy the surreal quality that most of the bdsm events I've attend have. Sometimes I can't keep from grinning when I look around the room and see a group of people chatting and laughing, talking about the weather, nibbling on appetizers...and they're wearing everything from latex and leather to nothing at all. About the time I start grinning, I look down and remember I'm wearing a corset and a collar, and my grin usually turns into a giggle. Just not a scene I ever imagined I'd be comfortable in, let alone enjoy.

Anyway, the party was very cool. We got to see several friends and I really enjoyed seeing some of those friends play, since I really haven't had an opportunity to observe a lot of our friends play. It kinda gives you a deeper understanding of the people and their relationship when you see the kinds of things they're into. We got to see a lot of flogging, some work with urethral sounds (can I just say...fucking ow!), and some blood and fire play. I really enjoyed myself.

I guess for us the only down side of going to a play party like that, is that I don't think we've ever played without it leading to sex. While I enjoy watching all of the stuff thats going on, if for some reason we couldn't fuck after playing at a party like that...I'm not sure we'd even play.

Oooh, another cool thing is that I get to try fire cupping the next time we're at a party like that. One of the other doms was doing it and so Sir asked him if he'd try it on me next time and kinda give him some tips. It looks very relaxing. And I bruise pretty easy, so I'll probably look like I've got giant hickies all over me. Which is kinda cool, too.

Girlfriend vs. Sub

Ok, I'm finding myself with a bit of a dilemma. I have a hard time figuring out when to switch from girlfriend to submissive. We get along great and sometimes we'll be sitting there joking and it's hard to know when to start with the yes sir stuff. I think this is even more true if things have been stressful or I'm in a situation I might find a little intimidating.

It's been kinda interesting, as we've become more involved in local groups, I've had a chance to observe different dom/sub relationships. Some friends of ours are in a mistress/slave relationship, but it's hard to draw too many correlations there, because she is married to a bdsm-friendly man and her slave lives with them. So they always know how their relationship is defined. I'd like to talk to some married dom/sub couples and see how they deal with this issue. We may just have to come up with some kind of signal, at least until I figure all this stuff out and can tell when I need to be his submissive vs. his girlfriend.

Kinky Stuff

Ok...kinky stuff. Our experimentation has been fairly varied, I think. We've tried bondage, lots of different impact play...spanking, flogging, etc., fisting, hot wax, figging (never thought I'd like that), a tiny bit of electrical play, breath play, humiliation, hair pulling...all that good stuff. As things continue, I'll give a more detailed account of our experiences.

I've been a little surprised at how well we read each other. For the most part, he knows exactly how much I can take. Hell, he even told me he knows when to stop by the way I twitch. That kinda cracked me up. And I feel like I'm pretty good at reading him as well. I've got a pretty good feel for what to do when he's stressed out or anxious. In fact, he told me I handle him and his moods better than any other woman he's ever been with. Makes me feel very hopeful that this will work out.

Anyway, we're just at the beginning of this journey. It's been a bit of a roller coaster so far, but that's ok...I love roller coasters.

The Beginning

Hi there. This journal will describe our journey. (And no, I have no intention of doing the whole O/our thing. I think that's fucked up.) Anyway, I guess I should start at the beginning. A few months ago, I decided it was time to get a divorce. I'd been married for almost 15 years and it was time to admit that the relationship between my husband and I just wasn't working. We'd gotten married very young and were just not right for each other. So, I moved out. And quickly discovered that I LOVED being submissive. I had, in fact, been trying to be submissive to my husband, who had no idea what to do with me.

I discovered a whole new world, one that was exciting and more than a little intimidating. I met a few Doms (yes, I will capitalize that, but the O/our thing is still stupid), and found that, while playing with different guys was fun, it was ultimately empty. I was looking for someone to not only dominate and control me, but also adore me. The affection and emotional attachment was missing from the occasional kinky booty calls.

While all these thoughts were going through my mind, I happened to meet a switch couple who was interested in a threesome. I thought, "What the hell?" and arranged to go out to dinner with them. Well, we went to dinner and out for drinks, then they took me back to their place. Once there, we proceeded to watch TV. For an hour. The entire time I kept shooting "wtf?" looks at the guy. (He'd been the one I'd been communicating with.) The girl was curled up on the couch, which I was also sitting on, as far away from me as possible. Then they took me home. It was more than a little bizarre.

The next day, the guy texted me saying how sorry he was. Apparently, there was a bit of a communication issue between him and his wife. At this point, he's decided he'd like to meet me one on one, without his wife's knowledge. I talked to him about it quite a bit, trying to be sure he was absolutely certain he wanted to go through with it. I didn't know it at the time, but she had recently cheated on him and I think he was aching for a little payback.

So we agreed to meet the following afternoon. He came over and we had an incredible time. I didn't realize how much it had affected him at the time, but apparently when I kissed him the first time, he pretty much decided his marriage was over. He said he didn't know if he would be with me at that point, he just knew he couldn't live without that level of passion and desire anymore.

Well, to make an already long story a little shorter, we have been seeing each other for almost six months now. He has left his wife and is in the process of a divorce. He currently lives with me and quite frankly, I don't think either of us has ever been happier.

OK, that's enough for now. Kinky stuff next time, I promise.