My Err...Aversion

OK, so I haven't been making posts as often as I'm supposed to. So now I've been given an assignment. (Thanks for that suggestion, Ma'am. I love you, too.)

Hehe...I'll probably pay for that.

I'm supposed to talk about my aversion to admitting that I love having things in my ass. This may be a little hard for me, though, because I don't really think I have an aversion to admitting that.

Yes, I love having things stuck up my ass. It feels amazing, in a kinda weird way, and makes me get off very hard. It's very dirty and taboo, so of course I like it. :)

Although, I have to admit, I don't get off nearly as hard with something just in my ass as I do when something's in my pussy or on my clit as well. Damn, I love that. The last time Sir fucked my ass while he made me use my vibrating egg I thought my head was going to spin off.

OK, so hopefully that fulfills the requirements for this assignment. Next time, I'll try to actually find the inspiration to come up with a topic myself. :)

Clover Clamps

A few weeks ago, Sir came home with a sack from Deborah's, which immediately got me excited. Although, I was a little confused, too. We normally discuss what new toys we're going to buy and we hadn't talked about anything lately. He handed me the sack, which was pretty heavy, and I looked inside. My present was a very pretty, very shiny set of clover clamps. Sir told me to take my shirt and bra off, which I did. He took one of the clamps and gently placed the clamp on my nipple. I immediately began squealing. Little too much for me. So he tried to look into ways of loosening the springs a bit. Nothing seemed to have much effect. So they went into the drawer and I kinda forgot about them.

Then a few days ago, he decided to bring them out again. But this time he tried a different approach. He played with me for a while, then he put one of the clamps on my nipple, but he only released the clamp part way. Then, as he continued to play with me, he would release the clamp a little at a time, until it was completely released. He repeated the process on the other side. By this time, I was incredibly turned on. The steady, and therefore manageable, increase in pain only heightened my arousal. Then he put the chain the clamps are connected by in my mouth. He continued playing with me and began taking pictures. That was a little odd, but a big turn on, too.

After he took some pictures, he decided to fuck me. God...that was amazing. The chain was still in my mouth, causing shockwaves of pain and pleasure every time he would kiss me and pull the chain a little tight. Add to that the intense sensation when he would press his chest against my tits...damn.

Needless to say, I've changed my initial opinion regarding clover clamps. Now I can't wait for him to use them again. (hint, hint :D)

Watersports. Umm...yeah.

Ok, when I met Sir, watersports was on my hard limit list. And he assured me that he didn't really have much interest in it either. So, we went on down the road and didn't give it much more thought. But then, he started to kind of jokingly talk about it. First he said, "Hey, I have to pee...wanna hold it?" Then I'd throw a pillow at him or something and he'd laugh and on we'd go. Then one day he said, "You know, every time you say you hate something you end up loving it. Why don't you let me pee on your foot?" Again, I threw something at him and he dropped it. But since then, he has slowly been working up to pushing this limit.

So yesterday, I was talking to him on IM and, since we hadn't had sex in a whole two days, he was trying to figure out something fun to do last night. So he decided that we were going to try watersports. Now keep in mind, I've been feigning resistance for a while now, but we both know I'll do whatever he tells me to. The really fucked up part is, before we were done with the conversation, not only had I asked him to do it, he made me say please. :)

So last night, we were sitting on the couch and I told him I was going to bed. He just gave me a look and said, "Ok, go to bed then." So I got up, walked over to him and leaned down for a kiss. He kissed me, hard, and pulled me down to him. Then he proceeded to take my shirt and bra off and play with me for a while. Then the Dom light came on and he told me to stand up and take off the rest of my clothes. Which, of course, I did. Then he pulled me back down on the couch and played with me some more. The whole time he kept asking me why I was so wet. I said I didn't know, I was just really horny. His answer to that was "Bullshit, you know exactly why you're so wet." Which, of course, I did...but I sure as hell didn't want to admit it.

After a while, he told me to go into the bathroom, and then he followed me in there. He backed me up so that my legs were against the bathtub and continued kissing and playing with me. Then he grabbed me by the hair and told me to get in the tub. I stepped in and he kissed and played with me some more. Then he told me to get on my knees. So I did. He took off his shirt and undid his pants. I was really worked up by this point, but then he said, "You know how long it's gonna take me to pee? My dick's as hard as a rock." Which made me giggle a little. At any rate, he did manage to relax a bit and then suddenly I felt a warm liquid running down my chest and stomach, dripping off my legs. And strangely enough, it didn't matter that it was pee. It was incredibly hot. That is until some of it sprayed on my hand. For some reason when that happened, I thought, "Ewww." Don't ask me, I know I've got piss dripping off my tits, but somehow getting it on my hand grossed me out a bit. At this point I've given up trying to figure out how my brain works.

After he was done, he grabbed me by the hair and pulled me up to kiss me. Then he began playing with me and when he made me cum...gush! I haven't squirted that much in a while. Then he said, "Back on your fucking knees," and pushed me back down in the tub. Then he stuck his dick in my mouth and I gave him head. When he was ready to cum, he pulled it out of my mouth and came all over my face. As he's leaning against that bathroom wall, breathing hard and twitching, I just looked up at him and said, "Ok, I think I'm gonna take a shower now." He just grinned and said, "Why don't you do that?" So I did.

The most intriguing part of the evening was something he said to me while he was playing with me after he'd just peed all over me. He said, "You know what you've done now, don't you?" I said, "What?" He said, "You've just tossed all your limits out the window." Which, in a way, is true. I mean, I still have some truly hard limits...kids, scat, animals. Those are not ever going away. But I know those are not limits he would ever push anyway. But the other ones, things that just scare me a little bit, but that aren't morally abhorrent or just way too high on the ick factor, those are pretty much gone at this point. He knows we've crossed a line and so do I. I'm just glad I trust him with my life.

Spontaneous Moments

Last night, I was cooking dinner in the kitchen and Sir walked in the room. He came up to me and gave me a kiss. Now normally, that kind of kiss is just a gentle brush of the lips. But this time he really kissed me. A deep, passionate kiss, tongues swirling, his hands entangled in my hair. After a minute, he let his hands trail down to my breasts, lifting my shirt and lowering my bra to play with my nipples. Then he began kissing me again, pulling and pinching my nipples harder and harder until I let out a little whimper. Then his hand moved down to his pants, which he proceeded to unbutton and unzip, simultaneously tightening his other hand in my hair and pushing me to my knees. So, I took his cock out and began giving him head. He pretty much lets me do what I want to when I'm giving head, occasionally giving a suggestion, but for the most part, leaving it to me. Until he cums, that is. At that point, I'd better take a deep breath, because I won't be breathing for a minute. When he was about to orgasm, he tightened both hands in my hair and thrust his cock as far down my throat as it would go. Once he did that, pretty much all I could do was try not to puke. Then after he was done, he buttoned his pants back up, I stood up, he gave me a quick kiss and went back to watching football, while I continued making dinner.

God, I love shit like that.

The Joys of Squirting

Until about 8 or 9 months ago, I didn't know female ejaculation existed. I was in the middle of a fairly sexless marriage, didn't exactly watch a lot of porn and I'd obviously never experienced it myself, so...I just had no idea a woman could do that. So once I started talking to people online, and playing with people offline, I became kind of fascinated by the idea.

I experienced this, well kind of experienced it, for the first time in the middle of oral sex. My boyfriend at the time was going down on me and when I came he told me I had just squirted. I thought...huh? How the hell did I do that? Obviously I hadn't squirted very much, because I honestly didn't notice.

Shortly after that, we broke up and I began playing with other guys. Actually, that's why we broke up. He was a needy child and I wanted to play with other people. He didn't like it and...well, there you go. Anyway, I was playing with this other guy and apparently I squirted again. Honestly, I couldn't really tell. He was, shall we say, vigorous? In other words, he was all over the place and quickly, too. He told me I squirted like 3 feet when he was fucking me from behind. I know it felt good, but honestly...I still couldn't really tell I'd done it.

Then I started dating my current boyfriend/Sir. He knew that I had squirted before and he also knew I didn't really know how to make myself do it again. So, after much internet research, he made it his goal (some would say obsession) to make me do it on command.

We decided to go on a little trip to the Ozarks for the weekend. It was absolutely fabulous. We barely left the cabin, did nothing but eat, sleep and fuck. Finally, towards the end of the weekend, he figured out exactly how to stimulate my g-spot and I figured out how to push at just the right moment, and...voila. Squirting. Lots and lots and lots of squirting. I mean, I'm talking about a flood here. I honestly expected him to do a little victory dance afterward. (And he almost did. Kinda wish I had a picture of the expression on his face...like a 13 year old boy who just managed to touch his first boob.)

So we came home Sunday afternoon, after spending the better part of 3 days fucking...and fucked some more. And this is after he'd made me cum over 100 times. (Seriously, we counted.) But it was like a kid with a new toy. I half expected him to invite his friends over and say, "Lookie what I can do!"

Although, finally figuring out how to squirt has sorta been a mixed blessing, because now I want to do it all the time. I CAN cum without squirting, but it's not nearly as much fun. And when we're playing in public at a party or something...it's a little inconvenient, because he doesn't dare make me cum unless we're really set up for the mess...I can't always avoid squirting, even when I'm trying to. Not to mention, it's one more thing he can take away from me when he feels like it...which totally and completely sucks.

But, all in all, I'd say it's definitely worth it. Even though I may have to get a paper route to pay for all the pads we go through.

Intense anyone?

This past weekend we went to a social and then had some friends come over afterward. It was a lot of fun. I got to play with a violet wand a little on our Domme friend's boy. Man, that thing bit me almost as much as it did him! Then they stood me up and put clothespins all over me. That didn't turn out so well, though. Sir put a clothespin on my clit and for some reason I couldn't deal. I started hyperventilating and almost passed out. I've come to realize that my aversion to using a safeword is fairly stupid. All I had to do was say, "You know, that one is not gonna make it. If you want me to stay vertical...you should probably take that off." Oh well, there's always next time.

Anyway, after nearly passing out, we took a little break and then they tied me to the futon. Ankles, knees, wrists and neck. The neck thing was kind of interesting...never tried that before. Then Sir proceeded to torture me...but in a good way. :) He basically got out all my favorite toys and, after teasing me for a little while, made me cum over and over again. God, I love that. Soooo much fun. Oh and he decided to fig me, too. NEVER thought I'd say this, but I love that, too.

So, after all that excitement, our friends went home, Sir finally fucked me and we went to bed. Pretty normal end to the day. However, the next day was not what I'd call normal.

Actually the first part of the day was nothing out of the ordinary. We slept late, ran some errands, I helped him with a job and then we came home. But that evening he had something a little more extreme in mind.

I'd just taken a shower and was sitting on the couch. He came over to me, pulled the towel I was wearing off and pushed me back so I was sort of half-reclined. Then he pulled out this wooden spoon. A BIG, very thick, wooden spoon. He then proceeded to smack my breasts with this torture device. Over and over and over again. He would periodically pause to play with my pussy, ALMOST letting me get off, before going back to hitting my breasts. After a while, he got out the giant dildo and told me to fuck myself with it. So I would fuck myself with the dildo until he finally let me cum. The first time I came, I paused for a moment afterward, catching my breath. But apparently that was not in the game plan. He smacked me several times with the spoon...hard...and said, "I didn't tell you to stop." So that continued for quite a while, me fucking myself with the dildo while he hit my tits with the big wooden spoon. He soon discovered that he could make me cum harder by smacking me at exactly the right moment. And the entire time, he was talking to me, telling me how much of a pain slut I really am, pushing that mindfuck all the more. After a particularly hard hit, I finally covered my breasts with my arm, curled up into a ball and leaned against his chest, sobbing. I stayed that way quite a while, crying and breathing hard, trying to calm down. He stroked my hair and let me calm myself down. Once I was under control again, he said, "Keep fucking yourself." So I went back to fucking myself with the dildo and he continued periodically hitting me with the wooden spoon. This went on for just a little while before he took the dildo away and replaced it with his own cock. He fucked me, hard, until we both came.

After that we took some pictures of the bruises and went to bed to play some more. I talked to him about it later and he said he thought we both needed something a little more intense because things have been so busy lately that the whole D/s side of our relationship had been neglected. He also told me he wanted to push me past my limit and that he will continue to do that periodically. Which, of course, is exactly what I want. I'm just very glad I've found the perfect person to give that to me.

Threesomes

Aww, threesomes. They're a beautiful thing. Even when there's not much attraction to one of the other two people in the group...just the fact that there's an extra person in bed with you tends to add some excitement to the scene.

I've had a grand total of three threesomes, two of those with the same partners. Sir was present for two of them. However, since the third member of our threesome was his soon-to-be-ex wife...things were a little awkward. I guess this was mostly because he'd already started seeing me separately and neither one of us was all that interested in her.

I've told him a little bit about the other threesome I was involved with. It involved another Dom and a girl he was training. I'd seen this guy a few times, one on one, and we had a lot of fun together. So when I told him I was going to a swingers' club on Friday night, he said he might meet me there and bring his new girl along.

The theme at the swingers' club that night was goth/bdsm. i was wearing a corset, short skirt, fishnets and high heeled boots. Oh, and my collar. Shortly after I got there, my friend and his girl arrived. She was about 5'8" tall, maybe 130 pounds, dark red hair and green eyes. Totally gorgeous and pretty funny as well. Oooh...and her tongue was pierced. THAT was cool. :)

So at first the two of them were sitting on one side of the booth and I was on the other. We chatted a while, had a few drinks...just like a normal bar. Then the girl leaned over and whispered to the guy and then got up and went to the ladies' room. He watched her leave, then motioned for me to sit next to him. He moved his head close to my ear, grabbed me by the hair, pulled my head back and whispered, "When she gets back, you're going to sit next to her and let her play with you. Do you understand?" I said, "Yes, sir." He turned my head, looked me in the eye, said, "Good girl" and kissed me.

I returned to the opposite side of the booth. She came back and slid in next to me. Then she turned toward me and kissed me. Now, keep in mind, I'd kissed another girl before, but just barely. And it wasn't even a girl I liked, more of a dare at a college party kinda thing. When she kissed me...wow. She had such soft lips and boy, did she know what to do with them. We kissed for a while and then she said, "Let's go dance." So we went out on the dance floor and proceeded to bump and grind to "Bad Girlfriend". Fairly appropriate, I thought. :)

After our dance, the Dom looked at me and said, "I think we need to warm your ass up a little." So he took us to one of the private rooms, bent me over a footstool and the two of them proceeded to spank me. Hard. She was a little timid at first, but she soon figured out that I was obviously enjoying myself. After that, she seemed to enjoy it as well.

When they were done, we went back to our booth. We had a few more drinks, danced a few more dances, made out a bit, and then decided it was time to leave. I left my van there and we all rode back to my place in his truck. (They both lived in Topeka, so I invited them to crash at my apartment.) She was doing a pretty good imitation of a Chatty Cathy doll, having had a bit to drink, so the Dom looked at her and said, "Good lord you talk too much. Why don't you find something better to do with your mouth." So she got on her knees and proceeded to go down on me. She made me cum over and over again as we drove home. We were driving in a big truck and it was dark outside, but I'm still fairly certain there are a couple truckers who got quite the show that night.

So, finally we got back to my place. We pretty much went straight for the bedroom. All three of us kind of fell onto the bed and began kissing whomever happened to be closest. Then the Dom began instructing us. He stripped me down completely and kissed me while she went down on me. Then he got behind her and fucked her while she continued eating me out. Damn was that hot...watching him fuck her as she made me cum over and over again with her tongue and fingers. After he came all over her back, he told me to clean her up. So I licked all of his cum off her back. Then he rolled her over, stuck his dick down her throat and told me to eat her. So I slid down between her legs and began licking her clit. She tasted amazing! Then I slid two fingers inside her and began playing with her G-spot. I may not have had any experience with this before, but she didn't seem to complain.

After a while, he decided he wanted us both sucking his dick, so he laid down on the bed and we both went at it. That was pretty damn hot, too...licking and sucking on his dick, then taking a moment to kiss her. It didn't take long before we got him off and by that time it was probably 4 am. So, we decided to call it a night and all went to sleep.

I know Sir would really like to have another threesome, this time with a girl I'm really hot for. Hopefully, I can get all our schedules to work out and introduce him to my friend. 'Cause that's one night I wouldn't mind reliving (with my Sir, of course) on a regular basis.

My Dream

I recently woke up to find Sir grinning at me. He said, "So did you have fun last night?" I just looked at him blankly and said, "Huh?" He said, "In the middle of the night, I rolled over and found you masturbating in your sleep. So I helped you finish."

Oh. So that part wasn't a dream. :)

I do, however, remember the part that was. In my dream, I was standing next to the dining room table, leaning over slightly to reach something. Suddenly, Sir was behind me, his hips tight against my ass. He grabs me by the hair, pulls me upright, and whispers in my ear, "Take your shirt and bra off. I wanna play with my tits." He releases my hair long enough for me to obey and then resumes his death grip. He pulls my head back as he fondles and pinches my nipples, all the while kissing and biting my neck. Then he pushes my upper body forward onto the table and says, "Let's see if my pussy's wet." He pulls my short skirt up over my hips and says, "What the fuck is this! Didn't I tell you not to wear panties today?" "Um, yes, sir...I'm sorry. I was in a hurry this morning and forgot." "Well, I guess we'll have to do something to help you remember, slut. Don't move." With that, he leaves the room and I'm left trembling, face down, bent over the dining room table.

He soon returns and lays several items on the table beside me, but out of my sight. Then he reaches down, grabs me by the hair again and pulls me back upright. Then he places very tight nipple clamps on me, joined by a chain, places the chain in my mouth and says, "When I tell you to pull, you'd better pull...hard." "Yes, sir," I respond around the chain in my mouth. Then he pushes me back down on the table.

At this point he goes into the kitchen and I hear some strange noises, kind of like peeling potatoes. Shortly he returns and I feel him rip my panties off. "I think we'll start with this," he says. Then he spreads my ass and shoves a thick piece of freshly peeled ginger deep into my ass. He's even carved it into a make-shift butt plug, so that it stays in place fairly well. I feel the tingling begin almost immediately and know that it's just the beginning. Things will be getting pretty intense very quickly.

Next he takes a piece of rope, binds my wrists together and ties them off on the other side of the table. Then he binds each ankle to one of the table legs, leaving me completely exposed. "Pull on the chain...hard, bitch." I hesitate for a brief moment and then obey, with only a slight whimper. He gives me a hard, open-handed slap on the ass. "I expect your obedience immediately, slut. Do you understand me?" "Yes, sir."

"How's that ass feeling?" he inquires, twisting the ginger as he asks. "It's becoming very hot, sir," I respond. "Good. It's only going to get worse, you know?" "Yes, sir, I know." Then he begins choosing his first implement of destruction. I feel his hand caressing my ass, then a slight pause before he smacks me hard. The ping pong paddle. As he continues punishing me, the outside of my ass begins to get as warm as the inside. Periodically, he tells me to pull on the chain. I obey immediately. Every so often, he chooses a new toy...the shoe horn, fishing rod...all the stuff that really hurts. Eventually, I begin to cry...he just tells me to pull and pull hard. I obey, of course.

Finally, he decides he's done spanking me. He runs his hands all over my raw ass, even leaning down to kiss it. Then he slides three fingers into my pussy. I'm dripping wet. "Does my lil slut think she can remember the orders I give her from now on?" "Yes, sir. I promise." "Good. Then maybe I'll even fuck you if you ask nicely." "Please, sir, I promise I'll be good." "You always say that." "I know, sir. I'm sorry. Please fuck me." He sighs and I hear him undoing his pants. "Could you please take the ginger out, sir. It burns so much." "No. Maybe it will help you remember." With that, he shoves his cock inside me. He begins to fuck me, slowly at first, but quickly moving harder and faster. With each thrust, he shoves the ginger further into my ass, making it burn and tingle even more. Every once in a while, he makes me pull on the chain. After a while, I can't take anymore and I beg him to let me cum. He says, "No, maybe when I cum, I'll let you. I haven't decided yet." He continues to fuck me for what seems like an hour and finally, I can tell he's on the edge of an orgasm. I beg him once more to let me cum and he says, "Yes, cum for me, slut." Needless to say, I cum so hard that I squirt all over him every time he withdraws slightly from my pussy. He slams into me one final time as he reaches his own climax and then collapses on top of me as we both lie there breathing hard and twitching.

And that is why he found me masturbating in my sleep in the middle of the night.

What I Needed

Recently, I asked Sir to spank me until I cried. I'm still not completely sure why I wanted him to do that. And don't get me wrong, he's caused me plenty of pain in the past...I mean, he's left bruises that lasted for a week or more. But I also know that I'm very important to him and he'd do pretty much anything for me. Because of that, he sometimes has a hard time with causing me pain, at least what he considers to be too much pain. So I think I felt like I wasn't being totally dominated because I knew he would stop if I squealed too loudly.

The first time he attempted this, it only sorta worked. He spanked me...HARD...for a long time. But every time I would get close to breaking down, he would slow down or pause. And I wanted to make sure he would really push my limits, so I was actually trying very hard not to cry. After a while..I don't know if he was afraid of really hurting me or if he was just really turned on...he just rolled me over and fucked me. And after he let me cum, I did cry. I'm not entirely sure what that was about either, other than just the release of that tension allowed me to finally break down.

So a couple weeks later, he decided to try again. The first time we did this, he told me before hand what he was planning. This time, he just did it. And there was no elaborate bondage, he just laid me down on the bed on my stomach, laid beside me with his hand wrapped up in my hair, and held my legs down with his leg. He likes to watch my expressions, so he had a death grip on my hair, forcing me to look at him as he spanked me. This time...it was amazing. He just used his hand, no toys, nothing special. He just spanked me...starting fairly slow, building, getting harder and faster, hitting primarily the same spot over and over again. And even when I started to cry, he kept going for a while. Just to be sure I understood that he could do that to me.

Afterward, he held me while I cried for a bit. It didn't last long, once he'd stopped spanking me. And then he started kissing me and eventually fucking me. I know that it was great sex afterward, it always is, and I do remember that I came very hard. But honestly, I don't remember the sex nearly as vividly as the spanking. It was what I needed and he gave that to me. He always finds a way to give me what I need, even when it's difficult for him. And that's just one of the reasons I love him.

Nostrils? Really?

A while back, Sir and I were playing. He had my wrists bound together, and I was lying across the foot of the bed with the rope binding my wrists tied to one of the feet of the bed. He was standing at the foot of the bed, generally enjoying torturing me (you know, pinching, tickling, biting and, his favorite, bringing me to the brink of orgasm and then denying me). After a while, he let me cum...hard...and then grabbed me by the hair and shoved his dick down my throat. Now all of this is pretty standard fare for us, we both enjoy it, until he reached his climax. He pulled out of my mouth and came all over my face. Again, nothing unusual there, except that my head was sort of on a downhill slope, so when he came on my face, his semen rolled down and sort of blocked my nostrils. I must've gotten a slightly panicked look on my face (even though I could've just opened my mouth...but I was apparently in idiot mode that day) because he sort of laughed and wiped it away from my nose so I could breathe. Then we laid there on the bed giggling about it. He thought it was hilarious, so he created a new fetish on fetlife called "cumming in her nostrils" and made us both join. I thought that was the end of it, but then we had another member join. At that point I'm thinking...really? The idea of doing that...on purpose!...really turns someone on? But hey, I may be new to the BDSM world, but one thing I have figured out is that no matter what freaky thing you can dream up, there's always someone out there who will be into it. So, live and let live. I'm sure half the crap that turns me on would give my mom a stroke, so who am I to talk.

Play Party

Last night we went to a play party. I have to say, it was fairly interesting. Although, I've noticed that I really enjoy the surreal quality that most of the bdsm events I've attend have. Sometimes I can't keep from grinning when I look around the room and see a group of people chatting and laughing, talking about the weather, nibbling on appetizers...and they're wearing everything from latex and leather to nothing at all. About the time I start grinning, I look down and remember I'm wearing a corset and a collar, and my grin usually turns into a giggle. Just not a scene I ever imagined I'd be comfortable in, let alone enjoy.

Anyway, the party was very cool. We got to see several friends and I really enjoyed seeing some of those friends play, since I really haven't had an opportunity to observe a lot of our friends play. It kinda gives you a deeper understanding of the people and their relationship when you see the kinds of things they're into. We got to see a lot of flogging, some work with urethral sounds (can I just say...fucking ow!), and some blood and fire play. I really enjoyed myself.

I guess for us the only down side of going to a play party like that, is that I don't think we've ever played without it leading to sex. While I enjoy watching all of the stuff thats going on, if for some reason we couldn't fuck after playing at a party like that...I'm not sure we'd even play.

Oooh, another cool thing is that I get to try fire cupping the next time we're at a party like that. One of the other doms was doing it and so Sir asked him if he'd try it on me next time and kinda give him some tips. It looks very relaxing. And I bruise pretty easy, so I'll probably look like I've got giant hickies all over me. Which is kinda cool, too.

Girlfriend vs. Sub

Ok, I'm finding myself with a bit of a dilemma. I have a hard time figuring out when to switch from girlfriend to submissive. We get along great and sometimes we'll be sitting there joking and it's hard to know when to start with the yes sir stuff. I think this is even more true if things have been stressful or I'm in a situation I might find a little intimidating.

It's been kinda interesting, as we've become more involved in local groups, I've had a chance to observe different dom/sub relationships. Some friends of ours are in a mistress/slave relationship, but it's hard to draw too many correlations there, because she is married to a bdsm-friendly man and her slave lives with them. So they always know how their relationship is defined. I'd like to talk to some married dom/sub couples and see how they deal with this issue. We may just have to come up with some kind of signal, at least until I figure all this stuff out and can tell when I need to be his submissive vs. his girlfriend.

Kinky Stuff

Ok...kinky stuff. Our experimentation has been fairly varied, I think. We've tried bondage, lots of different impact play...spanking, flogging, etc., fisting, hot wax, figging (never thought I'd like that), a tiny bit of electrical play, breath play, humiliation, hair pulling...all that good stuff. As things continue, I'll give a more detailed account of our experiences.

I've been a little surprised at how well we read each other. For the most part, he knows exactly how much I can take. Hell, he even told me he knows when to stop by the way I twitch. That kinda cracked me up. And I feel like I'm pretty good at reading him as well. I've got a pretty good feel for what to do when he's stressed out or anxious. In fact, he told me I handle him and his moods better than any other woman he's ever been with. Makes me feel very hopeful that this will work out.

Anyway, we're just at the beginning of this journey. It's been a bit of a roller coaster so far, but that's ok...I love roller coasters.

The Beginning

Hi there. This journal will describe our journey. (And no, I have no intention of doing the whole O/our thing. I think that's fucked up.) Anyway, I guess I should start at the beginning. A few months ago, I decided it was time to get a divorce. I'd been married for almost 15 years and it was time to admit that the relationship between my husband and I just wasn't working. We'd gotten married very young and were just not right for each other. So, I moved out. And quickly discovered that I LOVED being submissive. I had, in fact, been trying to be submissive to my husband, who had no idea what to do with me.

I discovered a whole new world, one that was exciting and more than a little intimidating. I met a few Doms (yes, I will capitalize that, but the O/our thing is still stupid), and found that, while playing with different guys was fun, it was ultimately empty. I was looking for someone to not only dominate and control me, but also adore me. The affection and emotional attachment was missing from the occasional kinky booty calls.

While all these thoughts were going through my mind, I happened to meet a switch couple who was interested in a threesome. I thought, "What the hell?" and arranged to go out to dinner with them. Well, we went to dinner and out for drinks, then they took me back to their place. Once there, we proceeded to watch TV. For an hour. The entire time I kept shooting "wtf?" looks at the guy. (He'd been the one I'd been communicating with.) The girl was curled up on the couch, which I was also sitting on, as far away from me as possible. Then they took me home. It was more than a little bizarre.

The next day, the guy texted me saying how sorry he was. Apparently, there was a bit of a communication issue between him and his wife. At this point, he's decided he'd like to meet me one on one, without his wife's knowledge. I talked to him about it quite a bit, trying to be sure he was absolutely certain he wanted to go through with it. I didn't know it at the time, but she had recently cheated on him and I think he was aching for a little payback.

So we agreed to meet the following afternoon. He came over and we had an incredible time. I didn't realize how much it had affected him at the time, but apparently when I kissed him the first time, he pretty much decided his marriage was over. He said he didn't know if he would be with me at that point, he just knew he couldn't live without that level of passion and desire anymore.

Well, to make an already long story a little shorter, we have been seeing each other for almost six months now. He has left his wife and is in the process of a divorce. He currently lives with me and quite frankly, I don't think either of us has ever been happier.

OK, that's enough for now. Kinky stuff next time, I promise.